At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially interested when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Free Haircuts
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God's work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Little Johnny's Candy Bars
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat six candy bars at a time?"
Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own business!"
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat six candy bars at a time?"
Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own business!"
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Snake lost on train back cuddling owner
BOSTON (UPI) -- A Boston woman has her boa constrictor back, a month after the reptile slipped off her neck on a subway.
Melissa Moorhouse, 30, told The Boston Globe she first noticed Penelope, her nearly 3-foot-long, non-venomous Dumeril's boa, missing as she headed outbound on the Red Line train Jan. 6.
Transit employees helped her look in the subway car, held the train for a few minutes and searched further at the Braintree terminus without success.
Thursday morning, a Red Line passenger spotted a snake and told a motorman, transit police Lt. Daniel Fitzgerald said. The train was taken out of service, but it was not until that night that train attendant Sharon Lynch got Penelope into a box.
Moorhouse said, "I'm overwhelmed. I'm extremely happy to have her back."
She said the snake could hide in tiny spaces and fend for itself.
"What I've been trying to tell people is that she would survive, she would be in the train whether it was weeks or months,'' she said. "I don't know if they have mice or rats but she is completely capable of eating them.''
Melissa Moorhouse, 30, told The Boston Globe she first noticed Penelope, her nearly 3-foot-long, non-venomous Dumeril's boa, missing as she headed outbound on the Red Line train Jan. 6.
Transit employees helped her look in the subway car, held the train for a few minutes and searched further at the Braintree terminus without success.
Thursday morning, a Red Line passenger spotted a snake and told a motorman, transit police Lt. Daniel Fitzgerald said. The train was taken out of service, but it was not until that night that train attendant Sharon Lynch got Penelope into a box.
Moorhouse said, "I'm overwhelmed. I'm extremely happy to have her back."
She said the snake could hide in tiny spaces and fend for itself.
"What I've been trying to tell people is that she would survive, she would be in the train whether it was weeks or months,'' she said. "I don't know if they have mice or rats but she is completely capable of eating them.''
Monday, February 21, 2011
Suspect's prosthetic arm pops off
ORLANDO, Fla. (UPI) -- Authorities in Florida said an attempted bank robber whose cash wouldn't fit through the teller's slot was further impeded when his prosthetic arm popped off.
Orange County sheriff's spokesman Jeff Williamson said Matthew Meguiar, 26, handed a note demanding cash to a teller Monday at the Fairwinds Credit Union in Orlando but left the establishment empty handed when the bag of money wouldn't fit through the slot in the teller's cage, the Orlando Sentinel reported Wednesday.
Williamson said Deputy Christopher Thomas confronted Meguiar as he was leaving the bank and "the suspect's arm came off" during a brief struggle.
Deputies said tellers at the bank recognized Meguiar as a regular customer. Meguiar's mother told deputies he suffers from severe depression and psychotic episodes.
Meguiar was charged with attempted robbery and ordered held without bail.
Orange County sheriff's spokesman Jeff Williamson said Matthew Meguiar, 26, handed a note demanding cash to a teller Monday at the Fairwinds Credit Union in Orlando but left the establishment empty handed when the bag of money wouldn't fit through the slot in the teller's cage, the Orlando Sentinel reported Wednesday.
Williamson said Deputy Christopher Thomas confronted Meguiar as he was leaving the bank and "the suspect's arm came off" during a brief struggle.
Deputies said tellers at the bank recognized Meguiar as a regular customer. Meguiar's mother told deputies he suffers from severe depression and psychotic episodes.
Meguiar was charged with attempted robbery and ordered held without bail.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
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