Lawyers versus Blondes

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen
crabs and asked a blond stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He
advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for it staying frozen,
mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer,
and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in
New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the
lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand.

Not one hand went up .... So she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1.Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2.Blonds aren't as dumb as most folk think.

Thanks to Terry S. from Thermal Industries of Murrysville Pa. for this contribution

FREE HEALTH CARE!!!

If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport???

you'll get a free x-ray and a breast exam,

and, if you mention Al Qaeda,

you'll get a free colonoscopy.

Thanks to Larry R. from Thermal Industries of Murrysville, Pa. for this contribution

Little Johnny's Most Wanted

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures of the ten most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."

Little Johnny then asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

Top 5 reasons why computers must be female

5. No one but their creator understands their logic.

4. Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

2. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."

1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Top 5 reasons why computers must be male

5. They're heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.

4. They periodically cut you off right when you think you've established a network connection.

3. They'll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won't do more than they have to and they won't think of it on their own.

2. They're typically obsolete within five years and need to be traded in for a new model. Some users, however, feel they've already invested so much in the damn machine that they're compelled to remain with an underpowered system.

1. They get hot when you turn them on, and that's the only time you have their attention.

I knew I should of bought a WATCHDOG?

Prison gives pizzerias a record order

HUTCHINSON, Kan. (UPI) -- Two Pizza Huts in Kansas are working up a Super Bowl order of 941 pizzas and almost 10,000 chicken wings -- for a prison.

The Hutchinson Correctional Facility is holding the huge meal as a fundraiser for its Spiritual Life Center, selling slices to inmates, KWCH-TV, Wichita, reported. About 800 of the 2,000 prisoners ordered pizza or wings.

Hutchinson's Pizza Huts are used to orders up to 500 for Super Bowl Sunday but had to bring in corporate managers from Colorado for this one.

"It's definitely a record," said manager Jen Osner.

"They could have gone somewhere else but they are putting that money back into the community. That's awesome," she added.