I'll bet this was a surprise to NBC....

In a recent NBC Poll The question was asked.

Do you believe that the word God should stay in American culture?

NBC this morning had a poll on this question. They had the highest Number of responses that they have ever had for one of their polls, and the Percentage was the same as this:

86% to keep the words, IN God We Trust and God in the Pledge of Allegiance

14% against That is a pretty 'commanding'public response.

It is said that 86% of Americans believe the word "God" should stay.......

Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a mess about having 'In God We Trust'on our money and having God in the Pledge of Allegiance.

Why is the world catering to this 14%?

Why not vote yourself? Vote here now,please

Thanks to Larry R from Washington Township Pa. for this contribution

In Cahoots

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have never been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

And more and more I think of the Here After. Several times a day, in fact, I enter a room and think “What am I here after?”

Sound familiar????? Join the Club!

Thanks to Larry R from Washington Township Pa. for this contribution

Supreme Court Ruling

Supreme Court Rules No Nativity Scene in DC

Date: Tuesday, 29 Nov 2011

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States' Capital this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason.

They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capitol.

The search for a Virgin continues.

There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable!

Thanks to Larry R from Washington Township for this contribution

INTERESTING OBSERVATION

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

And . . .
6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:


The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
There must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles!

Thanks to Larry R from Washington Township Pa. for this contribution

New Version of the Three Bears Story

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning....

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.

It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.

And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-arses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....



I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET



Thanks to Larry R from Washington Township, Pa. for this contribution

Thank you to ALL MILITARY MEMBERS PAST or PRESENT for keeping me safe in the GREATEST NATION in the WORLD. The GOOD OLE U.S.A.

---

and today was my brother Capt. Thomas Brooks birthday, he died on Valentine's Day 1986 fighting a fire in the Homewood/Brushton area of Pittsburgh Pa. Miss ya Tom R.I.P

The $50 Lesson

I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President of the United States.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there. So I asked her, "If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people."

Her parents proudly beamed. "Wow...what a worthy goal," I told her. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. Tell you what you can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my driveway, and I'll pay you $50.

Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house. How about doing something wonderful like that?"

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her parents still aren't speaking to me.

Thanks to Larry R from Washington Township Pa. for this contribution.

A MUST READ FOR ALL MALES!

The book "Understanding Women" has finally arrived in book stores:

Thanks to Larry R from Thermal Industries in Murrysville Pa. for this contribution

Peaches

A farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "Would you like to buy some peaches?"

She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, "Are they as
firm as this?" He nodded his head and said, "Yes ma'am," and a little tear ran from one eye. Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they nice and pink like this?"

The farmer said, "Yes," and a tear came from the other eye.
Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked,
"Are they as fuzzy as this?"

He again said, "Yes," and broke down crying. She asked, "Why
on earth are you crying?"

Drying his eyes he replied, "The drought got my corn, the flood got my soybeans, a tornado leveled my barn, I voted for Obama and now I think I'm gonna get screwed out of my peaches!"

Thanks to Larry R from Thermal Industries in Murrysville, Pa for this contribution

Mexican Jews

Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican
restaurant in Los Angeles.
One day Sid asks Al, "Do you know of any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?"

Al replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."

When the waiter arrives, Al asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"

The waiter says, "I don't know, Senor, I ask the cook." He
returns from the kitchen a few minutes later and says, "No, Senor, the
cook say no Mexican Jews."

Al isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"

The waiter, realizing he is dealing with 'Gringos,' replies, "I
check once again, Senor."

While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe
that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere.

The waiter returns and says, "Senor, the head cook say there is
no Mexican Jews."

Al asks, "Are you certain? I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews."

The exasperated waiter says, "Senor, I ask EVERYONE... All we
have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews and Tomato Jews.

Thanks to Larry R of Thermal Industries in Murrysville Pa. for this contribution

Big ass baloon

Thanks to Larry R from Thermal Industries in Murrysville Pa. for this contribution

Life finally EXPLAINED?

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.

Thanks to Larry R of Thermal Industries of Murrysville Pa. for this contribution

The Original Sin

Did you lose a cat?

The Iowa Rock Memorial

There is a huge rock near a gravel pit on Highway 25 in rural Iowa.

For generations, kids have painted slogans, names, and obscenities on this rock, changing its character many times.

A few months back, the rock received its latest paint job,
and since then it has been left completely undisturbed.

It's quite an impressive sight. Be sure to scroll down and check out the multiple photos. (all angles) of the rock.

I thought the flag was draped over the rock, but it's not. It's actually painted on the rock too.

Here's the artist-Ray "Bubba" Sorensen.

AWESOME Work, RAY...

Thank you!


" God Bless America " and "OUR SOLDIERS AND VETS"

Thanks to Larry R of Thermal Industries of Murrysville Pa. for this contribution

It all started with an iPhone‏..............

It all started with an iPhone

March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday, and I got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

My daughter's birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.

It was around then that the fight started...

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.




I should be out of the hospital next week!!

Thanks to Larry R from Thermal Industries of Murrysville Pa. for this contribution

HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, a hillbilly couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.

'A less costly alternative, ' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in hillbilly country) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'

The hillbilly said to the doctor,

'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'

'Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

'1'

'2'

'3'

'4'

'5'


At which point, he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure will work in Tennessee , Kentucky , Louisiana , Arkansas , Mississippi , Alabama , parts of Georgia , Florida and West Virginia ...

Thanks to Larry R. from Thermal Industries of Murrysville Pa. for this contribution

Guide for Senior Citizen TEXTING

Since more and more Seniors are using computers, texting, and tweeting - there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you.


ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Off
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
LMGA: Lost My Glasses Again
GLKI; (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In)

Thanks to Larry R from Thermal Industries of Murrysville Pa. for this contribution

FREE HEALTH CARE!!!

If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport???

you'll get a free x-ray and a breast exam,

and, if you mention Al Qaeda,

you'll get a free colonoscopy.

Thanks to Larry R. from Thermal Industries of Murrysville, Pa. for this contribution

A Good Catholic Joke

The Pope and Obama are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in
front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mr. Obama and said, "Do you know that
with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this
crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display,
but will go deep into their hearts and
they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Obama replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand....Show me!"
So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!

AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY!

Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it ????????

Thanks to Larry R from Thermal Industries of Murrysville Pa. for this contribution

The Kiss

A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"
So, she does.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous Why are
you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"