Senior Love?

I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.
I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few
seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, the wife was watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me,
'You need a piece of tail.'

I turned with a confused look on my face and said,

'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'

Thanks to David S. from Thermal Industries of Murrysville Pa.for this contribution

It all started with an iPhone‏..............

It all started with an iPhone

March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday, and I got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

My daughter's birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.

It was around then that the fight started...

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.




I should be out of the hospital next week!!

Thanks to Larry R from Thermal Industries of Murrysville Pa. for this contribution

HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, a hillbilly couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.

'A less costly alternative, ' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in hillbilly country) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'

The hillbilly said to the doctor,

'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'

'Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

'1'

'2'

'3'

'4'

'5'


At which point, he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure will work in Tennessee , Kentucky , Louisiana , Arkansas , Mississippi , Alabama , parts of Georgia , Florida and West Virginia ...

Thanks to Larry R. from Thermal Industries of Murrysville Pa. for this contribution

Easy-Bake to nix light bulb heating

PAWTUCKET, R.I. (UPI) -- Rhode Island toymaker Hasbro said a redesigned Easy-Bake oven will hit the market when 100-watt light bulbs cease to be manufactured.

A 2007 federal law requiring light bulbs to be energy efficient will cause production of 100-watt bulbs to cease in early 2012 and Hasbro, which took over manufacturing of Easy-Bake ovens when it absorbed Kenner in 1991, said a new system is being developed to replace the bulbs currently used to cook snacks in the toy ovens

"We are aware that the 100-watt incandescent light bulb will no longer be available beginning in 2012," Hasbro said in a statement. "In Fall 2011, Hasbro will launch the Easy Bake Ultimate Oven, introducing a new way to bake for the next generation of chefs. This new oven features a heating element that does not use a light bulb and offers an extensive assortment of mixes reflective of the hottest baking trends for today."

Little Johnny Knows His Numbers

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

Guide for Senior Citizen TEXTING

Since more and more Seniors are using computers, texting, and tweeting - there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you.


ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Off
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
LMGA: Lost My Glasses Again
GLKI; (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In)

Thanks to Larry R from Thermal Industries of Murrysville Pa. for this contribution

Who are the police looking for.............?

He even looks like he may be describing himself