Grumpy Old Men

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:

'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'

Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'

'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

The Voca People

Hospital rules

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.

However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of hospital gown.'

What do you believe?

The Foreign Legion is a lonely job

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert
outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy
looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He
asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?".

The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere,
and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we
have the camel."

The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess
it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain
could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN
THE CAMEL!!!"

The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the
captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to
have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied,
down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the
Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"

The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to
ride into town."

Crazy Driver

Must be a blonde?

A young woman goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As
she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest.
"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.
"Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that
he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make
love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another young woman comes in for a
checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on
her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the
doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it
that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make
love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another young woman comes in for a
checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on
her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the
doctor.

"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?"