The Italian's Trip to Canada

One day I go to Toronto and stay in a bigga hotel.

I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna
two pissa toast. She bring me only one piss.

I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet - I say,
you no understand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you
betta no piss on plate, you sonna ma b*tch! I don't even know
lady, she calla me somma ma b*tch.

Then I go to pharmacia with a cougha. The man he give me candy
ana tell me fa cough! - I don't even know man ana he tella me
FA COUGH!

Later I got to eat soma lunch at Ricky's Place, the waitress
she bring me spoon, a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna
fock - She tell me everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no
understand, I wanna fock on table. She say you betta not fock
on table you sonna ma b*tch - I not even know lady ana she call
me sonna ma b*tch.

So, I go back to my hotel room, an there's no sheet on my bed.
I calla the manager and tella him I wanna sheet, he tell me go
to toilet. So, I say, you no understand, I wanna sheet on bed.
He say you betta not sheet on bed you sonna ma b*tch. I don't
even know man ana he call me sonna ma b*tch!

I go to check out of hotel and man at desk say peace to you. I
say peace on you too!, you sonna ma b*tch! - I GO BACK TO
ITALY!!!

Two rednecks

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road
drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.

The passenger, Bubba, said "lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a
poll-ice roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these
here beers!!"

Don't worry, Bubba", Earl said. "We'll just pull over and
finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on
our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat".

"What fer?", asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?",
said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under
the seat, and each put a label on their forehead. When they
reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been
drinkin'?"

"No, sir", said Earl. "We're on the patch"!

The Center for Disease Control has issued

The Center for Disease Control has issued
a warning about a new Virulent strain of
Sexually Transmitted Disease.

The disease is contracted through dangerous
and high-risk behavior. The disease is called
"Gonorrhea Lectim," and is pronounced:
"gonna re-elect-em."

Many victims contracted the disease in 2008,
after having been screwed for the past two
years. Naturalists and epidemiologists are
amazed at how destructive this disease has
become, since it is easily cured ...
By simply voting out all incumbents!

NOW LET'S GET BUSY AND STAMP OUT THIS DREADFUL DISEASE !!!

Let me see if I got this right.....

* - IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.

* - IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.

* - IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.

* - IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.

* - IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

* - IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.

* - IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.

* - IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET................................

* 1 - A JOB,
* 2 - A DRIVERS LICENSE,
* 3 - SOCIAL SECURITY CARD,
* 4 - WELFARE,
* 5 - FOOD STAMPS,
* 6 - CREDIT CARDS,
* 7 - SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
* 8 - FREE EDUCATION,
* 9 - FREE HEALTH CARE,
* 10 - A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON,
* 11 - TENS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE,
* 12 - AND THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY'S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH RESPECT.

....................................................................................
I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE, I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION...

Proposal by "City Counsil" for the Igloo (Civic Arena)

I think this is a great idea, Indoor/Outdoor Swimming Pool in the Arena itself.

What do you think?