Shark Tale

There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.

As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"

In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"

Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"

The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.

As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.

Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."

Unlucky Parachutist

A man is skydiving, enjoying his free-fall, when he realizes that he has reached the altitude where he must open his parachute. So he pulls on the rip cord, but nothing happens.

"No problem," he says to himself, "I still have my emergency chute." So he pulls the rip cord on his emergency parachute, and once again, nothing happens.

Now the man begins to panic. "What am I going to do?" he thinks, "I'm a goner!"

Just then he sees a man flying up from the earth toward him. He can't figure out where this man is coming from, or what he's doing, but he thinks to himself, "Maybe he can help me. If he can't, then I'm done for."

When the man gets close enough to him, the skydiver cups his hands and shouts down, "Hey, do you know anything about parachutes?"

The other man replies, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

A Man, His Bike, and His Chick‏

It just doesn't get any better than this.

Thanks to Terry S. from Murrysville Pa. for this contribution

Take a look and guess what your looking at?

This is Facebook's new data-center in northern Sweden, it's located 60 miles from the Arctic Circle. The frigid cold will help cool the servers so that Facebook will become faster.

New Version of the Three Bears Story

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning....

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.

It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.

And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-arses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....



I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET



Thanks to Larry R from Washington Township, Pa. for this contribution

Thank you to ALL MILITARY MEMBERS PAST or PRESENT for keeping me safe in the GREATEST NATION in the WORLD. The GOOD OLE U.S.A.

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and today was my brother Capt. Thomas Brooks birthday, he died on Valentine's Day 1986 fighting a fire in the Homewood/Brushton area of Pittsburgh Pa. Miss ya Tom R.I.P