Little Johnny Knows His Numbers

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

Guide for Senior Citizen TEXTING

Since more and more Seniors are using computers, texting, and tweeting - there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you.


ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Off
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
LMGA: Lost My Glasses Again
GLKI; (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In)

Thanks to Larry R from Thermal Industries of Murrysville Pa. for this contribution

Who are the police looking for.............?

He even looks like he may be describing himself

Lawyers versus Blondes

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen
crabs and asked a blond stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He
advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for it staying frozen,
mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer,
and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in
New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the
lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand.

Not one hand went up .... So she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1.Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2.Blonds aren't as dumb as most folk think.

Thanks to Terry S. from Thermal Industries of Murrysville Pa. for this contribution

FREE HEALTH CARE!!!

If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport???

you'll get a free x-ray and a breast exam,

and, if you mention Al Qaeda,

you'll get a free colonoscopy.

Thanks to Larry R. from Thermal Industries of Murrysville, Pa. for this contribution